Post by Kingmana on Oct 16, 2015 10:20:46 GMT -3
Note: I just finished typing this post after what feels like two minutes but was in fact an hour or so and uh, I am not sure what to put as a subject, so don't mind it that much. I am a writer so I have my fairly ugh-feelings when not finding a proper subject-header, but yeah, doesn't really matter that much. =P.
I am back...as you can probably tell. Damn I don't have anything clever to start with this thread. Shoot I need to find inspiration again. Aaaannyyyway....yep I am back from my trip and my style seems to not have changed very much, poor of you guys that have to endure me like this. Poor of you, soooo poooor. Ugh what's wrong with me that I can't be serious for two seconds straight? Never mind, let's get to the story telling I am soooo terrible at.
It was an interesting experience...different to be honest. I still can't believe it happened, that I actually was in the place I see through webcam most of the time, it feels like a...dream. Now I am back to the routine with college and all and my brain is just in the 'I don't believe it was real' mode. College and work has never been a problem to me, I am quite relaxed, perhaps too much for someone that knows nothing about bunch of theories he needs to sit for in ten days or so, meh, I already had one exam yesterday I studied for in two-three days, this dragon can certainly manage that. What I can't manage on my own is the other side of it, though....
During the trip both good and bad happened and between both there was an astronomical difference. It wasn't just something that sends you from happy to sad or the other way around, it was actually a whole difference of behavior from my part and the others. Am I making sense? Some of you may have seen the message and avatar I put here while I was there, if you didn't it doesn't really matter, I have to admit it was a moment of weakness. It's just that so many things happened so quickly, some of them beautiful, some of them utterly breaking and neither of them I will be able to ever forget. Half of me is so happy it happened, the other half is broken and still somewhat hurt, unforgiving, while my body just moves around on the routine I am so used to and actually enjoy.
The whole details on what happened exactly I would rather reserve them for several reasons. First because I am not even sure if you will read this and bother to respond, uh, the second being, well, it's somewhat PRIVATE. Though...some of you guys are rather good friends of mine, close even. It would actually make me feel better if I got the chance to share everything with some, my friends, because honestly I really need to talk this with someone and receive a response different to just ''uh what happened there was horrible''. I am kind of missing warm contact at the time being, it won't matter how introverted I am, I really do need to support myself on others in order to fly high as usual. Just PM me if you want to know and are interested in listening to this juvenile dragon. I don't really judge, so eh.
For the public, I will say that, apart of being controlled more than I ever was in my entire life, I got a, perhaps too personal, taste of what is to be lied at, with rather important stuff being hidden from me. How someone can act up entirely in my face in order to avoid certain....agreements even when they had previously agreed to (you know, acting like everything was flowers and clouds when you were supposed to go somewhere with that person). How someone can make plans with you and agree on several terms only to break them, agree again, break them and give you a rather disgusting experience in middle of the public street. Is it that bad? Yeah, I know most of you have had fair amount of experiences like this, but be aware that I am not used to this, that I don't know how to deal with it. I am just not someone you can lie to. Just by knowing me a little you all can tell I am not really enjoys being lied to and, moreover, I can tell if you a lying fairly easy. When I say I am a dragon that is specially true for my eyes as I can easily catch most of the clues the body gives; there are just some gestures, changes, in their voices, how they avoid my stare and attempt acting differently, I just notice with quite an ease. I am not someone that will stand stuff for too long, not someone to be manipulated. I might have plenty of love for your person, care a lot for you and even have enough trust to believe you are telling me the truth despite how crazy your statement is, but there are very well defined limits that are not to be crossed, you just don't want to push them, you just don't. I might be nice and kind as long as you want me to be, but I am not someone that just stands still while being stepped on. And let's say that the feeling of someone, someone you trust or used to, someone you loved with all your heart, trying to step on you is....heartbreaking, destroying, to say the least. And the worst is that you don't have the time to swallow it, to really realize of what happened and try to think it over, you just don't have the time to feel bad about it, you have to stand up and say NO firmly. I can do that without much trouble but the consequences show afterwards. Anger and sadness are feelings that really mix up badly in me and believe me, you don't want to have a dragon that can't decide between just flying away to cry on its own or just chew on you with his fangs.
I had to control myself a lot, and honestly it's not something I was really expecting. I wanted to relax, to enjoy some bit of time with my dragoness before setting back to studies. I needed the rest, it was and still is the only sort of holiday-trip I will have this year and probably in a while. I had the faith that being with someone of my age would make a holiday different but in the end it's always the same. I am destined to suffer during holidays, I just can't travel anywhere without someone ruining up badly and more than once. Father....mother....grandparents....and now I have my own dragoness in the list of poorly ended trips. I guess my next try has to be having a trip on my own, alone, but apart of the needed money, I also would get so freaking bored. I am introverted, but I insist, I do need of others. I am a talkative one and warm contact is within my needs as a being. *Breaths a solid cloud of smoke* Grr, I really need to let the dark energies go one way or another. Hmm.....
So uhh I think I have ranted a bunch already. I am trying to just let things settle down a bit before confronting things, trying to enjoy and cheer up others before getting to what I really need to. It's not like I am evading it, it's just that others just don't....hmm seem prepared to listen to me, neither I know what to say. Ugh ranting again already? Shooot.....well okay, I am back, here, trying to find out what I truly want once again. Eager to have fun and reactivate things around here.
Dragons are meant to be noisy, they make their presence known. I just need to figure out what evil scheme I can pull off to show I am here too!
I am back...as you can probably tell. Damn I don't have anything clever to start with this thread. Shoot I need to find inspiration again. Aaaannyyyway....yep I am back from my trip and my style seems to not have changed very much, poor of you guys that have to endure me like this. Poor of you, soooo poooor. Ugh what's wrong with me that I can't be serious for two seconds straight? Never mind, let's get to the story telling I am soooo terrible at.
It was an interesting experience...different to be honest. I still can't believe it happened, that I actually was in the place I see through webcam most of the time, it feels like a...dream. Now I am back to the routine with college and all and my brain is just in the 'I don't believe it was real' mode. College and work has never been a problem to me, I am quite relaxed, perhaps too much for someone that knows nothing about bunch of theories he needs to sit for in ten days or so, meh, I already had one exam yesterday I studied for in two-three days, this dragon can certainly manage that. What I can't manage on my own is the other side of it, though....
During the trip both good and bad happened and between both there was an astronomical difference. It wasn't just something that sends you from happy to sad or the other way around, it was actually a whole difference of behavior from my part and the others. Am I making sense? Some of you may have seen the message and avatar I put here while I was there, if you didn't it doesn't really matter, I have to admit it was a moment of weakness. It's just that so many things happened so quickly, some of them beautiful, some of them utterly breaking and neither of them I will be able to ever forget. Half of me is so happy it happened, the other half is broken and still somewhat hurt, unforgiving, while my body just moves around on the routine I am so used to and actually enjoy.
The whole details on what happened exactly I would rather reserve them for several reasons. First because I am not even sure if you will read this and bother to respond, uh, the second being, well, it's somewhat PRIVATE. Though...some of you guys are rather good friends of mine, close even. It would actually make me feel better if I got the chance to share everything with some, my friends, because honestly I really need to talk this with someone and receive a response different to just ''uh what happened there was horrible''. I am kind of missing warm contact at the time being, it won't matter how introverted I am, I really do need to support myself on others in order to fly high as usual. Just PM me if you want to know and are interested in listening to this juvenile dragon. I don't really judge, so eh.
For the public, I will say that, apart of being controlled more than I ever was in my entire life, I got a, perhaps too personal, taste of what is to be lied at, with rather important stuff being hidden from me. How someone can act up entirely in my face in order to avoid certain....agreements even when they had previously agreed to (you know, acting like everything was flowers and clouds when you were supposed to go somewhere with that person). How someone can make plans with you and agree on several terms only to break them, agree again, break them and give you a rather disgusting experience in middle of the public street. Is it that bad? Yeah, I know most of you have had fair amount of experiences like this, but be aware that I am not used to this, that I don't know how to deal with it. I am just not someone you can lie to. Just by knowing me a little you all can tell I am not really enjoys being lied to and, moreover, I can tell if you a lying fairly easy. When I say I am a dragon that is specially true for my eyes as I can easily catch most of the clues the body gives; there are just some gestures, changes, in their voices, how they avoid my stare and attempt acting differently, I just notice with quite an ease. I am not someone that will stand stuff for too long, not someone to be manipulated. I might have plenty of love for your person, care a lot for you and even have enough trust to believe you are telling me the truth despite how crazy your statement is, but there are very well defined limits that are not to be crossed, you just don't want to push them, you just don't. I might be nice and kind as long as you want me to be, but I am not someone that just stands still while being stepped on. And let's say that the feeling of someone, someone you trust or used to, someone you loved with all your heart, trying to step on you is....heartbreaking, destroying, to say the least. And the worst is that you don't have the time to swallow it, to really realize of what happened and try to think it over, you just don't have the time to feel bad about it, you have to stand up and say NO firmly. I can do that without much trouble but the consequences show afterwards. Anger and sadness are feelings that really mix up badly in me and believe me, you don't want to have a dragon that can't decide between just flying away to cry on its own or just chew on you with his fangs.
I had to control myself a lot, and honestly it's not something I was really expecting. I wanted to relax, to enjoy some bit of time with my dragoness before setting back to studies. I needed the rest, it was and still is the only sort of holiday-trip I will have this year and probably in a while. I had the faith that being with someone of my age would make a holiday different but in the end it's always the same. I am destined to suffer during holidays, I just can't travel anywhere without someone ruining up badly and more than once. Father....mother....grandparents....and now I have my own dragoness in the list of poorly ended trips. I guess my next try has to be having a trip on my own, alone, but apart of the needed money, I also would get so freaking bored. I am introverted, but I insist, I do need of others. I am a talkative one and warm contact is within my needs as a being. *Breaths a solid cloud of smoke* Grr, I really need to let the dark energies go one way or another. Hmm.....
So uhh I think I have ranted a bunch already. I am trying to just let things settle down a bit before confronting things, trying to enjoy and cheer up others before getting to what I really need to. It's not like I am evading it, it's just that others just don't....hmm seem prepared to listen to me, neither I know what to say. Ugh ranting again already? Shooot.....well okay, I am back, here, trying to find out what I truly want once again. Eager to have fun and reactivate things around here.
Dragons are meant to be noisy, they make their presence known. I just need to figure out what evil scheme I can pull off to show I am here too!
